My Feeling on Dec 1. decision

Opinions please

TJ has a Cherokee rose tattoo in memory of his mother. He wants to get one for me...a bear with the Blackfeet tribal colors. I had found a bear her really likes and I took it into Paint last night and added the colors (it didn't do a great job but you'll get the idea).

Any suggestions on changing around the colors? He's also having my name, in the Blackfeet language, tattooed above it.

I also want one for him but we can't think of what it should be. Ideas?

And it just continues on....

I lost a cousin today...no, not to death, but I'm probably dead to her now. I make no bones about supporting gay rights because it affects MY family and some of my close friends. Apparently I'm going to absolutely burn in hell over it. I was deleted and blocked by my *Christian* cousin who called me a *shit stick* and said another of my friends could *kiss my ass*. Doesn't sound like a very *Christ-like* attitude. I AM for equal rights under the law for ALL citizens. I AM against all of the same arguments that were used when rights were being denied to American Indians, women, blacks and interracial couples. When we don't speak up when rights are denied to one group who will speak up when WE become the next group? I would rather be loved for who I am and what I stand for than love for what I'm NOT.

First they came for the communists,

and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a communist.

Then they came for the trade unionists,

and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a trade unionist.

Then they came for the Jews,

and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a Jew.

Then they came for me

and there was no one left to speak out for me.

~Martin Niem�ller

Heart of a dog

"It came to me that every time I lose a dog they take a piece of my heart with them. And every new dog who comes into my life gifts me with a piece of their heart. If I live long enough, all the components of my heart will be dog, and I will become as generous and loving as they are."
--Unknown

I am an island

A winter's day

In a deep and dark December;

I am alone,

Gazing from my window to the streets below

On a freshly fallen silent shroud of snow.

I am a rock,

I am an island.

I've built walls,

A fortress deep and mighty,

That none may penetrate.

I have no need of friendship; friendship causes pain.

It's laughter and it's loving I disdain.

I am a rock,

I am an island.

Don't talk of love,

But I've heard the words before;

It's sleeping in my memory.

I won't disturb the slumber of feelings that have died.

If I never loved I never would have cried.

I am a rock,

I am an island.

I have my books

And my poetry to protect me;

I am shielded in my armor,

Hiding in my room, safe within my womb.

I touch no one and no one touches me.

I am a rock,

I am an island.

And a rock feels no pain;

And an island never cries

This is dedicated to the people who caused me to become that island.

Hurt.....in more than one way

This has been a difficult and painful week....for more than one reason. Physical pain had been secondary to the extreme emotional pain. Since March we've lost 4 pets, 1 dog and 3 cats with 2 of them coming 5 days apart.

It's hard enough to lose 1 but 4 in less than 5 months is hard on my heart and spirit.

Medical problems with TJ have been hard on us both physically and financially. People that tell you "you KNOW I have your back", "I'll be there whenever you need me"......didn't and weren't. I didn't need anyone to drop everything they were doing and rush to our aid but thoughts, prayers and words of encouragement would have helped a great deal. The silence from some closest to me was deafening. I found out that some I thought I could "count" on failed at math.

This week I found out, through a post in a private group on Facebook that someone I had cared a great deal for and thought I could trust had been telling another member that I was *talking about her behind her back* and apparently all of my posts were about her. The other person and I took it offline and things came out in the open. Apparently this has been going on for months. This week she had received a phone call while on VACATION. WHY would you call someone on vacation to upset them? Over NOTHING. I've actually had a gut feeling for about 2 months that something just wasn't right....now I know why....and I actually know who even though the other person didn't tell me and I didn't ask. But I know. I am hurt to the bone. I don't know why they did it or what the motivation was. I don't know what to do, how to say something or if I even want to. Trust has been compromised.

I'm hurting in multiple ways. Some of it will eventually lessen and be replaced by the good memories. Some of it might be resolved. Some of it might be beyond the point of repair. Whatever happens I will get through it and be stronger because of it....